True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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