but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
