Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
