i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
