I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
