omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
