Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
