First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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