We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
