Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
