I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
