with your own penis?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
