Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
