Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
