I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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