You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
