The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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