theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize