I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
