we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i drank out of a bidet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
