How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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