I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
