After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
