I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
