i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
