i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
