It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
