apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
