Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
