the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
