No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
