He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
