Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
