He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
