I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
