I hate all girls vehemently.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
