I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
