Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Let's get the cat blown out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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