Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
