The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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