She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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