Your tits are I can't wait for
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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