I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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