Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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