So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
