i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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