Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
