definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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