I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
