Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
