There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize