Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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