I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
