Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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