I cannot find my penis.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
