You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
