I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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