i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
