So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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