I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We just shotgunned beers for America
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
