This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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