Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize