mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
