So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize