You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
