one might say we're banned from that church
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
