at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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