yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
