I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
