had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
