He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
