today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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