it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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