i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize