I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
