In America we eat man semen.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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