a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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