Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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