so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
