im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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