So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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