If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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