When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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