Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
