were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
