Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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