at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
