and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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